Maddy’s Note: The Irreverent Reporter ©TM has lived up to his name and is irreverently off on holiday while the footballing world goes orgasmic over the transfer Window Deadline Day. Ably deputizing for him is Sample who has a few shocking revelations.
8am : Exclusive news!!! Sameer Samuel of Supreme Boys’ School has joined On Bes International School of Arts. The one time star forward of the science division in 8th grade will now be seen in the Onion colours soon!
8.01am : Exclusive news!!! Sameer Samuel comments on the extremely superb school bus service that On Bes offers and that he is proud to be an onion. Arsenal are in the race to sign up the youngster to develop him and send him to Tottenham to stink up the place like rotten onions.
8.01am : Sam Allardyce scouting in BRAZIL!!!!
8.02am : Oops!!! Some journalist thought that Allardyce had lost weight and shaved his head and was scouting in Corinthians. Apparently Ronaldo with two straws up his mouth and was chewing on a packet of gum on a dry day looks like a Walrus. Chewing on a packet of gum.
8.03am : Arsenal sign Silvestre from Werder Bremen when they realise that Werder and Tottenham are in the same group.
8.05am : Tony Pulis seen in Canada trying to sign Corky as his new Centre forward.
8:06am: Arsene Wenger comments saying he thinks Stoke’s new signing is Killer!
8:07am: Tony Pulis sues Arsenal for unfair comments.
8.10am : Barcelona offer Arsenal a renewed offer of 35million plus 2 cheese sandwiches for Fabregas.
8.11am : Arsenal refuse the offer and in turn offer Eboue for Messi plus 20million.
9am : Barcelona complain to UEFA of Arsenal’s rugby tactics in the transfer market.
10am : Platini asks for the use of technology in the transfer market then retracts the statement and the demands for technology again.
11am : Fulham receive new offer for Mark Schwarzer which is more than the original 2million. They offer 2.1million plus Fabianski.
12am : Fulham refuse offer saying that the new offer on sum total additions and subtractions is much less than the original offer and in fact bordering on a free.
1pm : Manchester City offer Sunderland 50 million for Titus Bramble.
1.30pm : Sunderland accepts the offer and even throw in a free bottle of scotch. Titus Bramble says that he moved for ‘European Football’.
2pm : Everything’s very quiet. Like a volcano about to erupt!!!
2.30pm : And errupted it has!!! EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!! Fabregas is seen in Spain. Is this the transfer everyone’s been talking about all summer???
3pm : Fabregas in Spain to practice with the squad for the upcoming qualifiers. Xavi,Pique, Messi and Puyol all comment on this saying this means that Fabregas still wants to play for Barcelona and that Arsenal have no class.
3.30 pm : Messi thrown out of Spanish training camp.
4pm : Xavi berates the Argentian president and the Spanish president saying that Messi has Spanish DNA and should play for Spain. He also tells Argentina that they have Messi but only on loan.
4.30 pm : Robbie Keane sent on loan to Indian club Mohan Bagan. He remains the captain of Tottenham Hotspur though.
5pm : The transfer window closes. Please get a life.