Ducky’s Note: For all of you who might have been intrigued by the title of this post, yes, that’s exactly what this Guest Post will be about. The poster however wishes to remain anonymous, and hence shall only be known as the Mystery Maiden. Of course, that is also to prevent the Arsenal loyalists who are bound to get incensed by what follows below from pouring out vitriol on her. Before you do that though, fellow football fans, I’d just like to remind you- It is the international break, we all are pretty bored and we like our football with a dash of humour.
As an Indian woman football fan, I’m always going to be in the minority– for every desi chick who understands the offside rule, there must be five young engineering graduates writing a blog about the Big Four of the premier league, dedicatedly watching and dissecting every match, and even putting in the time and effort to put up a website. You get the drift, I’m outnumbered and outfanned.
So, at the very beginning of my career as a ’long distance footer fan’, Arsenal was the first team to catch my eye. There are two reasons for this- it was 2003, the year when Arsenal dazzled the world with their free flowing football, French panache and that unbelievable unbeaten streak. The second reason was a more personal one- I have a reasonably large and violent sibling, who would’ve surely caused me grave bodily harm if I supported any team other the one he was passionate about. It just made sense to be a Gunner. Don’t judge me!
I found being an Arsenal fan quite satisfying for many years. The football, even if occasionally frustrating, had a characteristic and unique quality. Most of the players were slender and moved around the pitch more like dainty ballerinas than raging bulls, thereby satisfying my aesthetic senses. Peace reigned in my household, with the brother and I cheering and mourning in tandem. Plus, there were many other teams’ fans to casually spar and flirt with when you got bored of the football (Hint for you ladies, and a strong incentive to watch football).
Things between Arsenal and me became rocky the year I moved to an English University. I assumed that I would be warmly welcomed by the locals into the fold of dedicated fanhood. But it turned out that most of my British friends found it incredibly amusing that I, an import from a far far away land (better known for its curry and cricket than footer, lets be honest here) was passionate about an English football club. I quickly learnt not to open conversations with a ‘so, did you watch the match this weekend’, saving myself their quizzical looks and bemused glances (Disclaimer: I was in a reasonably snobbish setting in England and the quizzical looks might have had less to do with football and more to do with the fact that I generally invited quizzical looks)
Nevertheless, I’ve managed to collect a number of Indian engineering graduates (and some non-engineers too, surprise!), to discuss football with. Now, my footer friends are of every ilk- reds, blues, pinks and in-betweens, and they all treat me a with a slight amount of disdain and patronize me. I live in the US now, where the matches are at an unearthly hour, and therefore I am never as well-watched and well-informed about football as they are. There is still a tendency to outpour their intense emotions and frustration to me on a weekly basis. I try to match their intensity with a little of my own, but this is mighty challenging for one who’s biggest emotional outpour ever has been a ‘meh’ in response to getting admitted to the above-mentioned English University.
Therefore, I came to the realization that my love for football was more recreational than passionate. I enjoy watching the game, but I’m not having sleepless nights about Cescy’s fate or Arsene’s priorities. I find it hard to whip up the emotion that will gain me acceptance into the inner circles of Arsenal fandom- if you’ve read this blog, you’ll know that in order to be a good Arsenal fan, you’ll have to 1. Be very depressed every time you don’t win a match 2. Write poetry and songs about your love for your club 3. Have a decent sense of parody and humor. I find myself lacking in all these departments, and therefore came to the decision that perhaps, the decision I’d made in my tender youth, was a midly misguided one.
I thought about becoming a Chelsea fan, but there is just something so, errr, ‘distasteful’ about being a fan of Lumplard, Dogbag, and ‘keep your wives locked up’, that I simply couldn’t do it. Plus, I really like saying lumplard and dogbag. Liverpool was never in the running. I mean, they’re not in the big four anymore, Torres looks like a girl and who the f**k is Woy Hogson???
United seems to be the only choice open to me, for a couple of reasons. For one, United fans seem to be a tad bit more stoic than the other type- which suits me well. I can’t put glycerin in my eyes and work up fake tears every time my team loses, which seems to be a requirement for my current team. Secondly, being a ManU fan means you get to cuss and be a general rowdy- a mode that I like. Not to mention, they’re apparently most prone to off-field activities in general. And finally, I don’t have to write poetry!!!
And thats why I’m contemplating becoming a United fan… thoughts anyone? 