This is an update to the update for the
Arsenal supporting knobs fans that I hold so dearly to my heart. All this while, I remained silent out of respect and loyalty to the Arsenal (heh!). Oh and I was also busy mentally spending the additional 145,000 pounds I will be getting from signing for United. I want to desperately put an end to all the mindless speculation in the media although I think it is fair to say that you guys know what exactly is going on.
As you all probably know I had a number of meetings with Kees Vos and Darren Dein (you all know the guy; the one whose dad professes undying love for the club while he keeps cutting the club’s legs from under it) and they without the shadow of a doubt, convinced me that if I decided to leave, every club from Almeria to Trabzonspor would want a piece of me. Financial terms or a contract were not discussed with Mr. Wenger, since hell would freeze over if Arsenal decided to engage in financial imprudence. That however didn’t go as planned.
It has become increasingly clear to me, that I disagree with the manager and the CEO on the way that the club should move forward. Never mind the fact that it is THEIR job to do so and mine to play and repay the faith they had in me in the 6 years that I was perennially injured and stocking up on horse placenta. I resent the fact that despite my being captain, they refuse to let me dictate transfer strategy. The slight issue that the then talisman, Thierry Henry would never have countenanced the signing of a troublemaking Dutch teenager with a temperament worse than Gervinho’s hair is irony that is completely lost on me. Oh, and they cannot pay me enough money to fill a swimming pool with bills and dive into it a la Scrooge McDuck.
I have thought long and hard about it and have decided that the best way to leave the club is by signing for the one team that would’ve caused maximum anguish. But I still love you guys! You guys are brilliant! And you have every right to disagree with my decision although it matters squat to me that I will be pissing away any semblance of a legacy I have created at the club. No one thought it possible, but with one signature, I have managed to replace Na$ri and Ca$hley as the most hated ex-player at the club.
I personally had a great season banging in the goals. I was so particularly brilliant in goal and along the wings that the Arsenal were rightly called a ‘One Man Team’. However, I have had enough of the wonderful service provided to me by the rest of the team, and it is time for a change and I look forward to scoring all the penalties Ashley Young will no doubt win me with his fabulous dives.
I love the club and the fans despite the fact that I will be trying to help their bitter rivals do you guys over. Everybody at the club has always supported me over the years; even when I was sitting in a dank Dutch Prison falsely accused of rape, when the rest of the world was calling me names and vilifying me. Of course, one season where I scored 37 goals adequately repays that and I now owe no one anything.
I look forward to wearing the
bath towel United kit next season. Since I have explained everything so nicely to you guys, please don’t boo me when I come back.