Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has declared the FA Cup the ‘Nickelback of football trophies’ in the aftermath of his team’s defeat to Watford in the quarter finals. The Frenchman entered the press room with a miked-in boom box and an effigy of Craig Cathcart and delved into a detailed diatribe about England’s premier cup competition.
“It’s basically a competition that Ben Watson has won with Wigan. Our players probably weren’t arsed today because I told them what a shower of shit and asbestos they were involved in,” Wenger said, before punching David Ospina in the face as he walked by.
Wenger reiterated the increased importance of the Premier League and Champions League for his team, irrespective of their performance in them. “Coming fourth in the league and exiting the Champions League knockouts is like being invited to really cool parties and puking in your hot crush’s face as she leans in to kiss you. Winning the FA Cup is like beating your lactose intolerant second cousin on scrabble night. What would you rather do? ”
As Wenger tries to pick the players up for the remaining weeks of the season, he faces increased scrutiny over his future at the club.
“What scrutiny? I’ll have you know I’ve won the FA Cup in each of the last two seasons here!”